


awesome sexy transformers fics for awesome sexy humans

by Kirkeyressa



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Comedy, Humor, M/M, Other, Parody, Robot Sex, Satire, also why the fuck is "knockout" two words i will burn hasbro to the ground jfc, i have scores to settle.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 23:05:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11023476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirkeyressa/pseuds/Kirkeyressa
Summary: fics that parody transformers fandom tropes because i can. more pairings to come, prioritizing tfp as a continuity.(heavily inspired by this tf2 fic collection: http://archiveofourown.org/works/2643368/chapters/5902349 go read it, it's way better than mine.)





	1. A Slave to his Master

**Author's Note:**

> Megatron summons Starscream to his chambers for a night of passion. Will he be able to tame the devilish seeker and thus stick his pee-pee in him??? what the heck do you think???

The nemessis loomed into view as the first opening notes of its leitmotif were played. this establishing shot means that we'll see the decepticons fuck around for a bit which is honestly what everyone watches this show for.

Starscream pressed some buttons on some computer in some room, like you know, the big purple room. no not that one. not that one either. yeah that one. with the computers and shit.

Anyway starscream was doing shit on the computer or something but he could have been playing euro truck simulator 2014 for all you care because you’re not here for that. you’re here to see him think about how much he’s not sucking dick right now, which he isn’t. a terrible thing, really, he cried as he fluttered his wings adorably.

as starscream thought of his 2 thousand billion sexual encounters while sighing even more adorably, megatron came out of fucking nowhere somehow and started yelling because that’s all megatron ever did in the series amirite

“WHERE THE FUCK IS STARSCREAM” bellowed megatron loudly and stupidly even though starscream was right fucking there in front of his dumb fucking face. several vehicons shat themselves in fright but were otherwise completely irrelevant to the plot.

“h—here I am… l-l-lord m-m-megatron” he stuttered in a small sheepish voice while laying back his wings and swaying his hips constantly like a female comic book super hero.

“YOU FUCKED EVERYTHING UP AGAIN YOU SENTIENT GARBAGE CAN ON HEELS” yelled megatron while preparing his right hand for the biggest goddamn pimp slap of all time

starscream cowered and cried pathetically and sobbed “megatron, what did I do wrong?!?” he whimpered even though he’s a cruel heartless murderer with knife-guns for hands.

“I DONT KNOW BUT I’M ANGRY AT YOU FOR SOME REASON????????????” roared megatron like the one dimensional brute he is. he smashed a beer can on his head for good measure.

“oh no… that’s terrible…” starscream managed to get out between wetting himself and sucking his thumb. “but I’m sure there’s something I can do to change your mind~~~…” he stated sexily as he completely heel turned on his designated shallow characterization.

“Mmmm~~~” megatron mused, also suddenly getting into it. time is money people, and like stated above, we all know why you read these things.

“perhaps we should take this… to my chambers~~~” megatron tidled in public as he swept up starscream like a weird grey robot princess.

“oh megatron~~~!” starscream swooned, his perpetual hatred for megatron completely masked by his love for _dick_.

~~~~*****~~~~

“here we are at my chambers~~” megatron crooned suavely, a rose in his mouth and a champagne glass in his hand. robot champagne. for robots. he was holding starscream with his other hand, careful not to drop the asshole frail maiden.

megatron’s room was absolutely the best thing ever, kinda like those hab suites in the mass effect andromeda concept arts ((a\n: omg, just google it…)) except megatron had a huge heart shaped bed in the middle for hot, juicy robot baby making.

“oh, lord megatron~~!!!” starscream admired in a cute way, like a puppy that you just brought home but like way sexier.

“Now…” megatron groaned in his buttery chocolatey voice. he threw the smaller man on the bed like the world’s most attractive filthy rag. “…we make the sex.”

“oh, lord megatron… what are you going to do to me?” asked starscream in a manner almost as effeminate as his dainty lady legs. almost.

“nothing you won’t enjoy, my pretty little plane dude~” megatron said as he posed like he was in a mister universe contest from the 70s. "or, uh, i guess not if the author wants me to be nothing but a violent wife beater. either\or." he continued as he flexed his strangely supple buttcheeks.

“oh, lord megatron~~~!!!” starscream said for like the eightieth time, his beautiful seeker frame tossing in a sultry, seeker-ish manner.

megatron, noticing starscream’s seeker body seekering seekerishly, immediately rubbed his big meaty claws all over starscream’s delicate fragile slender wings that can also somehow contain fuel just like a real f-16 but maybe since they’re giant alien robots that’s not where the fuel goes but maybe his smaller winglets meld into the bigger ones for more space but then again maybe energon is more fuel efficient and he doesn’t need to store it but he still has the weird air scoop so does energon need to burn oxygen to work or maybe it can combust on its own because they were in space at one point and last time I checked there’s no goddamn air in space but they could talk and oh dear god make it stop--

megatron bit starscream’s wing, making a horrible metal on metal screeching sound but that’s not sexy at all, so imagine it made the sound of an angel paying their electricity bill on time.

starscream, instead of shrieking in pain, moaned sexily and opened up his robo-gina cover. he didn’t bother opening his dick port because we all know that starscream doesn’t have a dick like the tiny helpless uke he is.

megatron, noticing the moist glistening slit made out of an unspecified material immediately popped out his gigantic throbbing metal robo-dong of pleasure giving. he didn’t open his vag cover because he had it sealed up like the manly gay robot he is.

“oh, lord megatron, I’ve never seen a dick as big as yours~~!!!” he lied because starscream is the hugest slut to have crawled out of Primus’ gaping creation hole.

megatron smirked sexily as he plunged in his pulsating love array into starscream’s vast plane cave and thrusted in the missionary position, just like the Good Lord intended.

starscream moaned and was enjoying the gargantuan steel sausage inside him. he would give it a solid 8.7\10 -ign. except the ginormous love rod sliding within him made him think of his sad tragic homo love for jetfire. he began to cry. sexily.

megatron rolled his eyes and groaned like a spoiled sixteen year old who got a samsung instead of an iphone for her birthday. “why are you crying, you useless worm” said megatron while still thrusting in like the aloof uncaring alpha he is.

“it’s… its my ex-conjux endura and ultimate husbando skyfire….” starscream whimpered while tears flowed down his cheeks even though he’s a goddamn robot. then again knockout got taken out by pepper spray once so I don’t even fucking know anymore. and no he doesn't make an appearance here because writing other characters is haaaard...

“he died in the war or something and it was the super saddest thing ever even though I never once mentioned him and treated him like shit in the war for cybertron game which you can get on steam for about 10$ on sale, seriously, go play it, it’s a really fun game, shame my computer cant run its sequel for some reason, even if it can flawlessly run skyrim at full graphics and like 50 mods, lol, figure that one out” starscream weeped while blushing at megatron’s amazing 10-pack abs that glistened in the space sunset.

“pfft, whatever… who needs that loser jetskifire when you have me~~~” megatron growled suavely, still thrusting in and out like an old usb key that doesn’t work quite like it used to, so you kind of have to wiggle it around a bit to get your computer to read it. yeah, maybe i should buy a new one...

“oh megatron~~!!!” whined starscream because even I’m running out of ideas at this point.

“ahh ummph mmm” said megatron

“mmm. yes” approved starscream.

“ahh oooh oh bby yass” said megatron while checking his phone. his dashboard sure was slow today. he unfollowed a blog that started to reblog an anime he wasnt watching.

“mmmm so sexiii” said starscream

“mmm bitch u so tight” moaned megs. he liked a shitpost about pencils. seriously. really fucking slow.

starscream then began to weep again, not at the horrid exchange of dialogue, but at his tragic past. again.

“jesus dildo farming christ, what the fuck is it now.” complained megatron

“I miss thundercracker and skywarp so much~~!!! they were the bestest things ever and we triple ultra combo married and had gay matching color gradient plane sex forever and couldn’t be moments apart even though I never once mentioned them in series and treated them like shit in the war for cybertron game which you can get on steam for about 10$ on sale, seriously, go play it, it’s a really fun game, shame my computer cant run its sequel for some reason, even if it can flawlessly run skyrim at full graphics and like 50 mods, lol, figure that one out” starscream blubbered while shrinking away like a tootsie roll wrap in the november morning dew

“CHA, whatever babe… you got me…” roared megatron as he slapped starscream’s butt. yes, he can slap someone’s ass in missionary, he’s that good at gay robot sex. because if there’s something gladiator matches and the senate have en masse, it’s a whole lot of gay robot sex.

“mmm~~ yass, spank me daddy~~” starscream swooned at the hot voluptuous sound of what was probably two garbage trucks colliding at 3 miles an hour. but enough about my love life.

megatron was thrusting in and out of starcsream, starting to question his entire life choices and whether or not he left the oven on, when he heard starscream say a thing maybe.

“who in the gaping taint holes is it this time.” megatron groaned like a sassy toddler in a try not to laugh compilation “rattrap? it’s rattrap isn’t it.”

“n n-no, megatron-sempai-kun” starscream whimpered and cried almost as much as the author after having written this line of dialogue “I’m gonna cum soon~~” his huge eyes sparkled as he shed a million tears because baaaaaarrrfff.....

“oh shit ok” said megatron as he just. kinda. kept going in and out. like a banana being dipped in a jar of nutella. oh yeah. ruined that shit for you forever.

“he-here I go~~~!!” starscream announced adorably as he shrunk to a tenth of his size at how fucking precious he is right now.

“k cool” mumbled megatron as he checked his watch.

“NNNYYYYYYAAAAAAAA~~~~~!!!!” starscream orgasmed beautifully despite his voice sounding like a chain smoker who ate nothing but hard grit sandpaper for his entire life ((not that there’s anything wrong with that, ilu steve blum <<333))

megatron came in starscream’s mechanical ass\cooch\whatever a split second after because yeah that’s definitely always how sex happens. they should make it an olympic event, it’s so goddamn synced.

“oh yeah, drink up my sweet techno baby juice” said megatron, thinking that a robotic vagina is somehow capable of ingesting and processing liquid actually you know what maybe it can, who am I to decide.

“oh no... megatron….. what if I become with child?” swooned starscream, highly concerned about maintaining his reputable status among his high society acquaintances. lady debourgh would definetely cut him from her inheritance and mr. doughbody would surely never marry him now.

“Psshhhuuuh…” scoffed megatron sounding like a cross between a valley girl and an anime antagonist “like that’s my problem…” and walked away, dick still out, but not for harambe because that meme is not relevant anymore.

“wait, isn’t this your room?” said starscream, having briefly acquired a brain cell.

megatron walked out while flipping him off.

~~~~*****~~~~

Starscream wobbled back to his chambers, not bothering to clean himself or at least taking a more discreet route because exhibitionism is edgy and hot and deep or something. all of the decepticons, autobots, predacons, maximals, entire population of rhodesia etc. saw him but they still found it insanely hot because porn fic.

he sat on his bed and rubbed his cockpit tummy, which somehow doesnt shatter completely when he bends over. ah, the joys of cgi.... he knew he was preggers because robots I guess??? or maybe he could see the tiny robo-fetus through his cockpit but that would actually kind of make sense, so no.

his systems were telling him that there were 3 babies in him. apparently no one told his systems that f-16s only have one seat and ok you know what I’ll quit while I’m ahead this time.

starscream gasped softly. 3 babies from lord megatron???? what a terrible thing to carry the children of someone you only wish death upon pretty much every waking moment of your million year long life.

but he decided to keep the sparklings and not even consider an abortion because that would mean the author would have to tackle an actual thought provoking subject matter and also write the characters as possessing some semblance of logic. starscream rubbed his stomach equivalent affectionately, somehow having gained a flawless maternal instinct that even a she-bear would be jealous of.

so yeah starscream carried the babies through the disgusting and vile process of pregnancy even though the poor fucker is in heels, like seriously even he doesn’t deserve that, what the fuck is wrong with ya’ll. and once pooped out he named them jetfuck, skyfart and thundercrapper because of fucking course he did.

_THE END_


	2. The Calm and the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knockout and Breakdown live out their perfect adorable perfect husbando lives ~~!! [disclaimer: contains absolutely no deep hatred against oc babies or babies in general]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omgg i even gave them babies!!! i hope you all like their super deep characterizations and meticulously wikipedia researched alt modes <<333

Knockout hummed to himself innocently as he sorted his medical equipment. He probably should be tending to the dozen or so vehicons who get their asses pounded in by the autobots every week or so, but hey, him actually doing his job would mean he’d be covered head to toe in robot blood. Which is a shame because I’m kind of into that. also making the vehicons relevant to the plot? yeah come back when I write a steve\starscream chapter, dickweeds…

Anyway, he did stuff in his medical room. Like. Uh… paperwork… and uh… labelling stuff…. you know, uh…. medical shit…. that medics do…. but like in a roboty sort of way?? yeah he did a bunch of important nerd doctor shit. Like… using multimodal reflection sorting—

Thankfully Breakdown knocked on the door before the author had to actually research how medical offices work, how doctors spend their free time, and incorporate all of this into Knockout’s character development and the world he inhabits. phew, dodged that fucking bullet…

“Hey Knockout!” Breakdown said perfectly and angelically because that’s what he is. Don’t you dare re-watch the series, okay, he’s an innocent precious being and I will not tolerate having my baseless headcanon challenged.

“Oh, hello Breakdown!” replied Knockout, who had managed to contort himself in a position similar to a cat licking its balls but like to polish his paint job. Normally I’d make a smarmy, heavy handed comment about how that’s ridiculous and wildly out of character, but honestly that seems like something knockout would do.

breakdown laughed and held out his arms “I just came down here to see how my ” oh god fucking dammit…--

 

SHARRON. ARE THEY MARRIED OR NOT?!? 

…

LIKE, ROBOT MARRIED. OR DATING?? OR PAINFULLY IN LOVE BUT WON’T ADMIT IT, OR, GOD FUCKING FORBID, JUST FRIENDS LIKE IN CANON???

… 

NO I DON’T KNOW WHEN THIS TAKES PLACE, “MIDDLE OF SEASON THREE AU WHERE BREAKDOWN LIVES” I GUESS??? THE ONE EVERYONE PICKS NEXT TO “POST PREDACONS RISING AU WHERE EVERYONE LIVES”?!?!

…. 

“DO WHAT YOU WANT”?!?!? SHARRON IF I HAD MY WAY ALL THE AUTOBOTS AND DECEPTICONS WOULD BE IN A WRITHING, FLUID SOAKED PILE ON THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW. I’D PROBABLY INVOLVE UNICRON TOO, TO REALLY MAKE THE BABY JESUS CRY. 

…

“DO WHAT’S POPULAR”?!?! I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT’S POPULAR, WHAT IS THIS, A [insert currently popular fandom here] FANFIC?!?! I MEAN FOR FUCK’S SAKE, THIS SERIES IS GONNA BE OLD ENOUGH TO TOUCH ITS WEEWEE IN THE SHOWER FOR THE FIRST TIME.

…

OH... OH, THAT OLD HORSESHIT. ALRIGHT... FINE. I GUESS WE’RE DOING THIS AGAIN. IF THAT’S WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT.

…

I HATE YOU ALL AND SO DOES SHARRON.

“I just came down here to see how my bestest robot husband boyfriend bffsie 5ever is doing, of course~!” he tippy toed into the room and gave a kiss on knockout’s cheek. Knockout was taking the pork roast out of the oven to serve his adorable perfect family. oh yeah, those… let’s talk about the little shitstains, I guess. because they exist now.

knockout and breakdown lived in their small perfect 50s American Dream-esque house but somehow inside the nemesis with their…. oh let’s be easy on myself here; 3 perfect little children.

the first is named—

 

SHARRON. WHAT THE FUCK, AM I JUST SUPPOSED TO PULL 3 NEW CHARACTERS DIRECTLY OUT OF MY ANUS?

…

YES? WHY???

…

PEOPLE LIKE DOING THIS??? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST… FUCK IT, I’M USING A TRANSFORMER OC GENERATOR. OR OBSCURE BEAST WARS NEO CHARACTERS, SAME GODDAMN THING.

the first is named Brakecutter. He has beautiful orange optics that shine brighter than primus’ spark itself because primus is a complete thot anyway. his beautiful scintillating gold plating would make even knockout jealous but he’s so pure and beautiful and adorable that even knockout concedes that he’s prettier. even as a sparkling you could tell that his adorable angelic baby features would eventually form into totally hot oc omgg check my page for ref sheets!! <33 His alt mode is a MLVW 6×6 2.5 ton truck series (Canada and United States; Modern)

The second one is Stormrunner. His tiny fists were only matched in cuteness by his adorable yawns. he had big lemony colored eyes and was mostly fuchsia with silver highlights. Where are the highlights exactly?? idk up his ass I guess. His little wings fluttered adorably as he sneezed like simba in the lion king or a baby panda or whatever. Oh shit, wait, wings? well I guess knockout got it on with starscream at some point. would explain the fuchsia. His alt mode is whatever plane is the sexiest but like even sexier. because planes are sexy and penis shaped and the perfect alt mode for a baby and jesus fucking Christ what the fresh fuck am I even writing. 

The third one is Gregbit. he’s blue.

They were all tucked into their little robot cot and had their little robot mobile toy of optimus getting hanged by his ballsack. they were safe from all harm ever especially on a ship called the Nemesis occupied almost exclusively by violent sociopaths and a fucking robot dragon.

Knockout choked back a gross sob. “aren’t our babies precious and adorable and totally fit into this predefined universe seamlessly???” he clutched his hands together and smiled blissfully and tried really, really hard to suppress his mounting bloodlust.

“yes” breakdown sniffled, wiping away a single tear, the notion that starscream cucked him finally dawning on him.

“now, let’s take care of the children!” Knockout wiggled his hands in glee, completely forgetting about the pork roast. or he remembered that he’s a giant alien robot that can’t eat meat. or maybe he’s jewish. either way, that pork roast also got cucked. breakdown proceeded to cry on it.

Knockout rocked the cot back and forth. and rocked it some more. the babies didn’t go to sleep but you can be goddamn sure the author did. 

Brakefucker or whatever his name is looked up with adorable sparkly baby eyes at his father and uttered a single word in his disgusting saccharine grating baby voice, “Daddy!”

“You’re goddamn right I am.” said knockout in his deepest and most seductive voice and oh my god this sentence is so fucking wrong but I’ve been laughing at the mental image for 30 minutes straight, I’m keeping it in. also let’s face it, it’s borderline canon.

Breakdown chuckled and shed a proud fatherly tear. he then proceeded to pick up the other child uhhh… stormbutt or whatever. Oh, it’s Stormrunner… sure. He tickled steamroller’s belly button and he giggled adorabl--- wait why the fuck would a robot baby have a belly button unless they were birthed oh wait, there we go, yes, I remember one of the many reasons I loathe robot babies so much, mmmm, yes. delicious.

Stormrunner blew an energon snot bubble out of his nose--- goddamit, right, his mouth, it came out of his mouth, they don’t have noses. fuck. Stormrunner giggled and cooed and blurted out: “select -add polySurface3.e[762:767] ;select -tgl polySurface3.e[775] ;select -add polySurface3.e[774:779] ;select -add polySurface3.e[356] ;select -add polySurface3.e[356] polySurface3.e[358:359] polySurface3.e[674] polySurface3.e[679] ;softSelect -ssd 2.232511 -sud 0.242775 ;scale -ws -r -p 1.106039cm 1.437673cm -0.0160387cm 1.227135 1 1.227135 ;”

knockout and breakdown laughed uproariously and thanked the high heavens for their good luck and moved on to Gregbit. 

but Gregbit already held all the wisdoms of the universe, and his parents somehow already knew that, so they implicitly knew to just move on. there’s nothing to worry about. really. just move on. they’re fine where they are now. it’s for the best.

All the babies were placed back in the cot and and both their parents stared lovingly at them for like… a billion years –

 

SHARROOONNN!!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO WITH BABIES???

…

OH YES SHARRON, THIS FANFIC CLEARLY SHOWS HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOOOOVE BABIES AND THAT I’M JUST DYYYIIIING TO HAVE STORIES ABOUT INTERRACTING WITH THEM. GOD FUCKING FUCK, MEGATRON CAN USE THE LITTLE PISSNUGGETS FOR TARGET PRACTICE FOR ALL I CARE.

…

AGAIN, SHARRON, IF IT WERE UP TO ME, KNOCKOUT AND BREAKDOWN WOULD HAVE THROWN THE BABIES OUT THE NEAREST WINDOW AND BEEN ON THEIR SEVENTEENTH ORGASM BY NOW.

…

WHAT… WHAT AM I WAITING FOR?... WELL SHARRON, FOR ONCE, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO OBJECTIONS…

“anyway yeah fuck these babies, let’s have the sex” knockout turned seductively towards breakdown, like the dramatic chipmunk clip but super sexy. yeah nothing gets me in the mood like Cambrian era memes.

“yeah uh –huh” nodded breakdown enthusiastically because yeah no shit, who the fuck would turn down that offer when knockout’s the one to make it. you know when people say that they’re aromantic and\or asexual and their shitty ass parents say that it’s just a phase? yeah well if those Reagan worshipping assholes could think for two goddamn minutes, they’d know to put that statement to the test by showing their child a picture of knockout. it’s the only valid way of finding out if they’ll “change their mind eventually :))))”.

breakdown swept up knockout and dumped him on a sexy cushy bed in like… a closed off portion of this gigantic room thing or whatever? look I just want them to be out of sight from the babies. a baby watching you have sex is like your dog watching you have sex but like a trillion times worse somehow. so yeah they’re out of frame, fuck that.

breakdown draped himself over knockout and admired the incredibly beautiful mech before him, his shimmering cherry red paint perfectly accentuating his—goddamn fuck, knockout actually is the sexiest thing in creation, this bit can’t work ironically… just imagine knockout has googly eyes on his dick or something.

“what are you going to do to me, darling~?” said knockout even though he never said that in the series ever. like wtf is he, a robot dude version of rarity— wait he is. ok, I am going to lose my mind with this guy, why is he so untouchable by my flawless and cutting edge satire. more of this nonsense and I’ll actually turn him into a sexy lamp. maybe then this fanfic will actually be funny.

breakdown smiled coyly and whipped out his fairly decently sized titanium plated wiener. that and his inoffensive-by-decepticon-standards personality is pretty much the only leg up he has on knockout in these fics. what I’m trying to say is ha, knockout has a tiny dick, what a loser.

knockout excitedly rubbed his hands and flipped himself on all fours. he accidentally turned into his car mode for a bit, he did it so fast. but that would imply the author remembered that transformers can fucking transform. so it didn’t actually happen.

knockout's rubber or silicone or whatever robot snatch was already drenched in robot lube, like a chicken nugget completely dunked in special sauce. god I would kill for a chicken nugget right now, it’s 3am and im so fucking hungry

breakdown blushed and nosebled at his beautiful robot husband wiggling his ass below him. he kissed his own hand and pointed it at the big man above, cuz damn he was a lucky son of a bitch to get himself this hunky godlike car boyfriend, occasional cucking notwithstanding. damn, some things you just gotta overlook. besides, starscream doesn’t count amirite lol

breakdown proceeded to slowly insert his heaving man-column into knockouts glorious and tight fuck-donut because yes my friends, the robot vagina was merely a ruse. a distraction. we are going full anal on this. because I’m kinky and edgy as fuck. 

that or breakdown stuck it in the wrong hole because he’s an idiot.

so yeah woo. anal sex. but with robots. breakdown just kinda. thrusted back and forth I guess. and knockout’s all like “ooh yes gimme more yasss” or some shit idk it’s been a while, asses are really hard to clean and that alone is 20% of the reason why I’m a transhumanist, fuck this useless flesh vessel.

“yeah do you like this… uh…. bitch.” breakdown said in a pathetic attempt to sexy talk. silly breakdown, domming is for soundwaves. 

“ [00:00:04]: LanOnly: false[00:00:04]: FriendsOnly: false[00:00:04]: EnableAutosaver: true[00:00:04]: PVP: false [00:00:04]: MaxPlayers: 16” came a voice from wherever the fuck the babies were. yeah don’t get too hot and bothered, these things still exist.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU LITTLE SHITS, DADDY’S TRYING TO GET FUCKED IN THE ASS.” yelled knockout at the obnoxious little snot-lickers. this is also pretty in character for him. 

“heh heh, you’re so cute when you’re angry” breakdown said, oblivious to the fact that he shouldn’t enable his partner’s violent outbursts.

“thanks uwuwuwu” said knockout because he’s perfect and precious and it’s super cute and sexy when he murders anyway so who cares if he’s deeply unstable and dangerous, just have him join the autobots already. in fact fuck it, where’s his nobel peace prize. move over mother Theresa, you scraggly withered hag, you aint shit.

“omg you’re so tight” said breakdown, who was too simple and dumb and well endowed to know that knockout’s ass had been ploughed through by every robot in existence. because remember kids: hot characters are always buttsluts. and if you don’t comply, I will fucking swat you.

“nyaaa~~!!!” orgasmed knockout because the author has literally only seen actual moving sex via shitty hentais. breakdown followed like 2 picoseconds later because simultaneous orgasms in fanfiction are basically internet law at this point.

they both collapsed on top of each other, perfect and radiant and not tired and covered in gross fluids and having to tend to their screeching gremlins who by now would probably be crying from 10 minutes of no attention. but hey, they’re fic babies, so none of that pesky responsible parenting horseshit.

breakdown stared at his perfect dude hunk of a boyfriend\husband\wife\whatever the fuck and smiled at him. this beats a body pillow of rattrap any day.

“knockout?” breakdown whispered suavly, yet worriedly, yet deeply

“ja, vhat is it?” said the red medic ((a\n: send all complaints to http://flightrising.com/main.php?p=lair&tab=userpage&id=254725))

breakdown gently cupped the bottom of the white faced mech before him. he edged closer and closer, and uttered a single, profound, thoughtful wish. 

“I’m getting physically ill, can we go kill things now?” 

“you damn fucking right we can” said knockout. they both got up, threw their smelly children in the trash, except Gregbit, who became the trashcan itself and then phased out of existence. the two robot husbands then murdered a bunch of autobots while making out and fucking in pools of their spilt energon and all the while laughing joyously like the awesome evil douchebags they are.

 

THE END. FUCK BABIES. SHARRON, WHERE ARE MY CHICKEN NUGGETS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_military_vehicles
> 
> my favorite game to play is: of these tropes i invoke mockingly throughout this drivel, which ones have i pledged my soul to?

**Author's Note:**

> like comment and subscribe if you want to see shitty fics similar to this one, see ya.


End file.
